| i dont get it |
[12 Mar 2004|09:19pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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celine dion-power of love |
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why do ppl insist on using me? arent i good for so many things...not just what ppl want to take all the time? i dont get it...
i hate being kept on a leash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know but lately the only person i can talk to is nicole. none of you other guys have done anything but ive felt weird lately....i know nicole wont piss me off when im in this state of mind. and girl, u bitch as much as u want in ur journal cuz thats all i do!lol
cutie pie matt krupit asked u to ur own prom, how cute!
fucking chinc hit my car!!! damn it!<-thant happened monday
and as for the little snitch that thinks she's getting drum major over john and scott next year, you're crazy! stop making up shit to get them in trouble, what are u four? tattle tales went out a long time ago sweety...underclassman dont get those types of advantages, or didnt u figure that out yet. god damn! why dont u wait till ur a junior or senior to act like hot shit, but for now, be the lowly underclassman...like u should be acting.
this opera is giving me a fucking headache already! damn u maria callas. turning it off now!
mr. mac does not know how to teach macbeth!
ryan-"you're just the lover ive been looking for...baby baby cant you see"
running at u in my fat glory lol, watch out nicole, mrs. camaraie might squash u! lol that was so funny!
i am now listening to prince but...im turning it off cuz yea...turned on the faint-glass dance
i miss mike, but i can do with out him
"when i fall in love, it will be forever, or i'll never fall in love...in a restless world, like this is, love has ended before its begun, and too many moonlight kisses seem to cool in the warmth of the sun. when i give my heart, it will be completely, or ill never give my heart, and the moment i can feel that you feel that way too, is when i'll fall in love with you"
-i deserve something more!
is it too much to ask to feel like a princess and her prince on my prom?
babble babble babble....its almost 10 and i have rehearsal tomorrow...im bouncing.
we use to be so close? what happened?
goodnight
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| "im so tired of being here" |
[07 Mar 2004|09:38pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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my immortal-evanescence |
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im so tired of being here....
lost in the grayness of life
i want to love some one
this world cuts me
cuts me deep so i bleed
some one heal my wounds
i just want someone.....why doesnt any one want me?
people seem to use me...why do i settle for that?
whats wrong with me?
im seriously gonna fall apart this next month, i know i am. i need some one there for me when i do. i need some one to come here to hold me, i need some one to visit me at rehearsal so i dont go crazy.
kiss me and tell me everything is all right
i was fine and now im dying again....i cant be alone for this long
when will my prince find me?
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| happy fucking almost valentines day |
[12 Feb 2004|09:14pm] |
hehe, lets use band names to spell out my name
n-nirvana
i-insane clown posse
c-cold
o-our lady peace
l-lit
e-eve 6
a-aerosmith
g-goo goo dolls
u-unloco
i-incubus
l-los lobos
a-afi
r-red hot chili peppers
......no words......
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| today that is now.... |
[02 Feb 2004|09:23pm] |
ok the knuckle biting and sweating is over...i got the part of dinah in the play. she's like hte head nurse, who's friends with nellie(katie)...so its a good part. im very happy with it! congradulations so everyone!
alright, i dont think i work saturday so julia, nicole, jess, and rose...plan on coming over that night to watch scream. bring jay, you can invite evan and rose, you can bring bobby, nicole invite someone...i think ryan might come, not sure.....its gonna be fun laughing at that.
so far....
chorus ??
band A ?
algebra2 D D
history C D
theatre A A
chemistry ??
english B C
not that bad but im gonna kick my own ass this marking period and the last to get all straight a's...accept math is going to be a B or high C. lol. but im gonna do good...i actually am really considering montclair state...its a great school. awesome theatre department...an on campus train that takes you right into the theatre district of manhatten! im going to see drew, savanah, nyu, castleton...and probably alot more. but i really did like montclair so....oh well
well im gonna go do some of my english homework then wait for kermy to call. oh yea jeff, i cant go see the julianna theory cuz its my gma's bday and im going to see drew that day. sorry babe! but i will be going to hidden in plain view, as if my life depended on it! ok? lol.
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| blah! |
[30 Jan 2004|09:42pm] |
yesterday were auditions for South Pacific. me and joe tore it up! wajdi, you were amazing too!
then i went to jess's g-mas wake. yea i put my hard feeling behind me cuz i felt aweful that, that had happened to jess. i wanted her to know that i was there for her.
today i made up gym. zirca is a bitch and made me run an extra 5 mins...grrr! |
ryan, your shirt was cute today!
went to work....phil is great! lol
sitting on my ass now...talking to joe, josh, katie and dave....
ok im boring, bye!
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| good night moon |
[27 Jan 2004|09:20pm] |
i waiting for my kermy to call so we can have our "good night" conversation. it usually last a little over two hours, or until some one realizes its past midnight on a school night. lol. he makes me laugh so much. its great! he's such a great guy. i cant stress that enough....sorry you're probably all gagging like fucking "miglis's" now....(that was an inside joke)
whoa look at that snow! its amazing! cross your fingers for no school tomorrow! im tired and i need to sleep and study and what not! no school, no school! yay! lolz
work was surprisingly fun this evening. we were all laughing and making fun of eachother. i got to stock the condoms and lubricants...there was an open, empty box of condoms, *hint(some one stole them). it wasnt even a little box though, they stole 36 of them. christ! thats a lot of rubbers...
alright. well its been fun. im gonna go talk to jeff a bit more then get in my cozy bed and talk to ryan...mwah!
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[26 Jan 2004|09:22pm] |
yea midterms today....
english and algebra two...
you know what, (neither of them were hard but besides that)mr. Mcginty's all like we need to talk about ur grades in this class and im like what about them adn he's like ur missing stuff and im like ok. so he goes through his hole schpeal and im like i handed that in late i took that....and i need to do my debate which i kept asking him about and he blames it on me that its not done. YOUR A FUCKING HORRIBLE TEACHER! YOU HEAR ME? YOU NEED TO KEEP TRACK OF YOUR SHIT! IM AN A ENGLISH STUDENT, NOT A C OR D! FUCKING TEACH MR "THE GANG ARE..."GOD DIZZAMN!
so like i was saying. they were easy. i saw my kermy after school and he hands me this peice of paper and im like is this for me and he's like yea open it....its a pic of him holding a doctor pepper and it says the doctor is in....its so funny. he has the doofiest look on his face! i <3 him alot!
well im gonna practice for my audition tomorrow. i wanna be mary so bad! lol she's great! aight im out...
ps. jeff is great too! (hamilton st)
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| rock it out |
[25 Jan 2004|12:44pm] |
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so me and julia went to hamilton street last night(sorry i was to pissed to tell u all this)it took us 45 mins to get there partially julias fault, skipping over directions and such and then again the directions sucked ne way lol....well we get there and the girls suck. the music was good for the most part...i met a boy! his name is jeff but we called him bolash cuz thats what his shirt said...he's talking to me now. so cute!! oh there was this guy there dressed like frodo! freaked me out a bit. we left the show early to rape a mcdonalds...it only took 20 mins to get back! yes! so yea, ryan elliot might hang with me today....he makes me so happy you have no idea! maybe i should study a little...probably not! any way comment if u wish...byes
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| why me? |
[25 Jan 2004|12:08am] |
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all i know is that every guy that comes into my life that wants to fix my broken heart, my pain....digs the hole deeper for me. you dont care. you all tear me too pieces. i hate life right now! and im not pretending to be happy for any one else. i am depressed. fucking get over it...this is me. EMOTIONALLY FUCKED. AND IF ANY OF YOU ELSE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO ME NOWS THE FUCKING TIME! IM SICK OF IT! SO UNLESS U TRULY CARE ABOUT MY MENTAL BEING LEAVE ME ALONE. I DONT WANT TO HEAR UR FAKE PITTY!!!!!
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| today... |
[24 Jan 2004|03:21pm] |
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im gonna go find myself a nice boy tonight...me and julia are going to hamilton street cafe to see a show. thats right, im not going to teen night. so good luck level zero...u know i usually come see you guys but i just dont think i can stand in there tonight. id rather go to my little whole in the wall and maybe get lost on the way. lol....leave one!
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| i wanted ppl to read this.... |
[23 Jan 2004|09:53pm] |
tru that...i was browsin today and noticed that my friend makes a good point. i for one, dont dress emo but show some characteristics of what "emo" is considered, i guess. emotionally fucked up, listen to music of a rock variety....why stereotype. cuz guess what, if u saw me i dont look it, i dont consider myself hard core at all. and it hurts me that some ppl would just come into a community just "for al laugh". these are ppl's lives. most of them are more intellectually deep and caring then most of the ppl in the world. "these emo ppl" are artistic and full of vision....the ppl that look down upon them, are sheep. in a world where everthing placed around you and juxtapose to your life style is virtually the same. your ambercrombie and fitch, ur american eagle. you hide behind brand names because your too afraid of being a rejected individual. thank you have a great day.
i posted this in jerseyemo, and i think everyone needs to at least rumage through my words....
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| the voices in my head want out... |
[23 Jan 2004|12:21pm] |
cant even shout
cant even cry
the gentlemen are coming by
cant call to mom
cant say a word
your gonna die screaming but you wont be heard....
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| can you believe it? i do |
[23 Jan 2004|12:13pm] |
Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Pleas Vote)
What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla
even stupid quizzes understand me!
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| i want EVERYONE to comment....its part of my self reflection bullshit |
[22 Jan 2004|03:33pm] |
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
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| thanks for yelling (caring) |
[22 Jan 2004|10:59am] |
"I'm only laughing on the outside. My smile is just skin deep. If you could see inside, I'm really crying. You might join me for a weep." -Jack Nicholson
what was wrong with me?
what was i thinking?
i need to fix me....
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| trust is an evil word |
[21 Jan 2004|07:41pm] |
you Tear my soul apart
your thE one person i thought i could TRUST with any thing
it wAs implied that you wouldnt say anything
you tell me you caRe
you want me happy
then why did u make me cRy?
you ask me whY i keep running back to him
why do u wAnt him, why do u like him
no one is ever good eNough for me
every person i bring up is not good enough
well, you dont want me
im sick of being single
and if u knew me you'd know that i hate to be alone
you stabbed me in the back today
there's something going on
i can sense it
its you, not me
maybe i shouldnt TRUST you any more, maybe i shouldnt talk to you
you know damn well that im dying inside, why would u want to prolong and worsen this emptiness for me
did i do something wrong
do i deserve this?
explain this to me, im really hurting
no one cares enough to love me
and by the way, if no ones good enough for me and every person i bring up has a problem...you do too!
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| my heart leaves me again |
[18 Jan 2004|09:42pm] |
why?
love wasnt an issue
i wanted your body, not ur soul
i was wrapped up in you pleasure, thought you would call
you pleased me, made me smile
no attatchments, no issues, just two bodies
why should i shed tears for you
you were the one that didnt care enough to call
just come here and get what you want, and i was fine with that
you didnt call,you were too busy, you didnt invite me...
how could you
you wanted to do so much with me
you were so physically attracted to me
bullshit!
now i see, i can be forgotten easily
i thought it was different
friends first, passion second
i was wrong
you let go so easily this evening
i sat in shock
wondering, why? you obviously didnt care for me as a friend either
i dont care what special day it was
i tried to wish u a good day but i was rejected
ive tried to call and talk to you, cuz i needed u most, rejection
thinking i could come to you was wrong of me
i should have known as soon as their was a love interest i was gone
i was naive and im sorry
thought friends wouldnt leave eachother in the dark
i need a light
you knew that
friends come first for me, always have
i guess i didnt know you either
i can really pick them cant i
the ones that break my heart to pieces, i thought u would be a friend and mend it
im so hurt...i dont know how to explain what i feel
numb
yes, numb
id never thought you wouldnt care and now u dont
please some one, be my arms i need it so very bad
why?
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| let me be |
[18 Jan 2004|09:39pm] |
Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The
Wronged.
"'ve come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me."
The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love.
As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.
What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla
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